Monster Blood II

Plot Summary: Hey, so you know Evan from the first book? Turns out he's a complete moron and is being ridiculed at school because he told everyone about Monster Blood and, surprise surprise, they didn't believe him. Andy shows up conveniently with some Monster Blood because she's a complete idiot too and then she feeds it to the science teacher's hamster because the teacher has been mean to Evan. The hamster grows huge, almost kills everyone until Evan eats Monster Blood to try and grow bigger than the hamster so he can 'pick it up'. Thankfully the Monster Blood expires, shrinking Evan and the hamster back to normal size. But don't worry, Andy's parents sent her a bunch more for all the sequels!

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Dear god, this book was painful. It's bad. Really bad. It's easily the worst I've read so far. By page 22 I had highlighted more dumb moments than in the entirety of all the other books. It starts with Evan having a super detailed dream that turns out to be a DAYdream he's just having in class. By page 16 there are two 'hamster out the window' fakeouts. TWO. And it just doesn't get any better. The plot runs entirely on everyone behaving in the stupidest way possible, from Andy refusing to stop dicking around with Monster Blood to the bully and his mum announcing to an empty house that they're back just so the protagonists can hear them and get out in time. There's so much stupid that I can't cram it all in here. The conclusion is cheap, lazy and also makes no goddamn sense which fits the rest of the book perfectly I guess. Surely it can only get better from here?

Serial killer in the making: Evan has a near-psychotic hatred of Cuddles the hamster for no apparent reason. He fantasises about throwing him out the window, baking him alive and squashing him into a rug. No wonder the science teacher hates him.

Editor, what editor?: 'Why do people think hamsters are cute? he wondered...Because of their cute little buck teeth?'

Future supermodel: Andy wears a long neon green T shirt over a short neon orange T shirt. Apparently both are visible somehow.

Most convenient name bestowed: Conan Barber, the bully who everyone calls 'Conan the Barbarian'.

BONUS Getting crap past the radar: Evan's science teacher keeps a mysterious leash in his cupboard.

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